You just made me feel so damn special
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
