3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
