he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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