they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
