Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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