he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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