And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So squirting runs in the family.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
