I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
