Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
