well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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