I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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