well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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