Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
