yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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