fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
