dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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