She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize