Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
