Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
