when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
