I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
