id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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