and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
