No subtext here. People are naked.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
