Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize