Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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