So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
im six kinds of drunk right now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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