I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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