remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my poor anus
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
