She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
