i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
