By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
