I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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