people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
