i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
