If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
