coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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