I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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