We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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