i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
