Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
