I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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