WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
