if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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