I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
