Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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