It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
