hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
