Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
