I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I cut my penus on the lid.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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