you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
