I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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