I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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