My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
