Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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