another moral hangover. fuck.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
