She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am available for nakedness
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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