I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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