youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
