Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
