Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
