Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
