The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
