my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize
