You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
