So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize