what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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