moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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