Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
